A Journey Between Worlds

Author: LT Page 2 of 5

Craving Candy: Chapter 4

The dim lights on the clock radio of her old Corolla flicked over to 4:30am as Laura Chen slid into the carpark of the suburban service station she opened on the weekends.

Dawn was close. It was nearly summer and the birds celebrated the coming day with an exuberant and almost inappropriate joy. As Laura jerked the old gear box into park and pulled the brake, she took a moment to put her head on the steering wheel and imagine it was her pillow.

Then she shook herself, took a deep breath and launched herself into her day. The servo needed to be opened by 4:30am. The paper delivery would be imminent. The milk delivery would be here at 5am. And she had the car wash to turn on, the gas tanks to unlock and the ice freezer to check.

Besides, she thought, this was the favourite of her part-time jobs. Between the hours spent at the 7-Eleven staring at a glass screen as the fluorescent lights flickered artificially above her head and the bar where she swatted off artless passes and greasy hands, the service station was a great job. She loved the clear empty mornings in particular, far more than the late nights of the timeless convenience store and the thumping nightclub. 

She pulled back the bolt from the door, turned off the alarm and then let herself into the garage, walking through the mechanic’s meticulously tidy space and into the shop. She made herself a bad instant coffee in the dirty kitchen (that was mechanics for you – pristine garage, filthy kitchen) and then logged onto her console and opened the front door to let in The Rambling Ancients.

The oldies wandered, especially in the mornings; coming down to the servo for their paper, some milk and the odd detour into well-intentioned casual racism.

“Where are you from dear?” the blue-rinsed grandmothers would ask her with brightly curious faces.

She felt like the Thai girl in that old lamb ad and sometimes even answered, “Ballarat” in her flattest, broadest accent just for the reaction.

She wasn’t, of course. She was from right here. The same place they were. And her family had been in this country for 150 years, something she doubted many of them could say. Oh the irony.

Once it turned 7am, her mother called. Repeatedly if Laura let her. She took the first call, patiently explaining for the millionth time that she didn’t have time to take calls at work and then turned off her phone. Her mother was worried about, in no specific order: the cost of her Master’s; the fact she didn\’t have a boyfriend; her grandmother’s ominous mutterings about finding her a nice Chinese (hopefully wealthy) husband; and her parents’ failing business and Uncle’s bankruptcy. 

“Maybe you should just think about dropping out of your course and moving home for now,” her mother had started saying. “It’ll just be temporary. I’m sure with your help we can turn the business around. Your Uncle, well, I know he’s my brother but…”

She didn’t need to finish that sentence. Even Laura knew her mother’s brother was useless. He had taken money from everyone in the family and lost it all on endless blue sky financial mistakes. Unfortunately this last one had coincided with the start of the worst pandemic in 100 years and the beginning of the first recession in 30. She knew how much the family business was struggling. Hadn’t she taken commerce and law to help her family? The horrible thing about Laura’s life at the moment was that she was starting to think her mother was right. 

Moving back home would put her in the path of her father\’s mother though and the woman had started to look at her with a certain gleam in her eye. The gleam that said that the family was going too native and needed a re-injection of \’proper\’ Chinese blood; preferably one that came with a big fat trust fund. It was one family tradition Laura didn\’t feel like upholding.

“Lolly, I think there’s a problem with the car wash.”

It was Matthew, her assistant who arrived at 8am every morning to give her a hand so she didn’t have to leave the console. Matthew and her had gone to primary school together briefly but she barely remembered him. She remembered instead his more outgoing, better looking fraternal twin, James. Brown hair and clear skin to Matthew’s fair hair and somehow cheerful freckles. Matthew was ambling, laconic and, frankly, not particularly bright. But he was a laid back and lazily kind young man and she enjoyed working with him, even if he insisted on using her old nickname.

It was her cousin Mei who had named her Lolly when she was young. And like Baby in that old dance movie, she hadn’t been old enough to realise she should have a problem with it. Or to ask how Mei Chen had ended up with red hair and green eyes.

“Okay, take the console,” she told him and went out to wrestle with the car wash. There was a reset programme she could run and a short set of troubleshooting techniques she knew. But if she couldn’t get it to work, she’d have to shut it down for the day until they could get a technician in to fix it on Monday. 

In a flash she saw a terrible unfolding image of her whole Sunday filled with people coming back from the beach and the bush wanting to have their cars cleaned and realising it wasn’t working. Whole beach-stained 4WDs full of beach-stained families and loud hungover groups filling the store as she had to explain their precious cars would need to remain unwashed.

Salt and sand encrusted bogans with salt and sad encrusted vehicles storming out or yelling or giving her tired, resigned looks of frustration. And then as the day progressed, harried apologetic women with drunk boyfriends and their drunk friends leering at her and yelling because of the paint job on their treasured vehicles. Finally the excessive politeness and clear staccato enunciation would give way to racial insults about her dark slanted eyes, straight black long hair and requisite glasses. 

She was fixing this car wash. Nothing would stop her.

Matthew had undersold the problem with the car wash. It was most definitely absolutely not working. She checked the fuses and the gears, coming away with grease smeared down her work uniform of shorts and polo shirt in company colours. One of those colours was white, something she’d never understood.

She walked into the car wash itself, the giant rollers looming over her diminutive 150cm self, and saw that there was something jammed in the mechanism. She sighed in relief. Remove it, reset and she’d have her car wash back. It was a Coke can, which meant it was deliberate. Idiots.

She tugged it but it didn’t budge so she braced herself against the car wash walls, carefully placed her hands on the can and pulled as hard she could. Nothing. She was starting to sweat from the humidity inside the wash and breathed a sigh of relief in the cooler outside air when she left to get a pair of pliers. 

“Coke can in the mechanism,” she reported to Matthew as she went through to the workshop and hefted a pair of large pliers over her shoulder. “It’ll be fine once I get it out.”

“All good,” he said, sprawled over the console chair. It was quiet, she realised. She was sweating in the fast-building heat and he was here soaking up the air-conditioning in an empty shop. She was the manager and the console couldn’t be left unattended so this was just it then. The way things were. 

She stepped back into the car wash and realised there was still a puddle of brown water on the floor. The wash wasn’t draining properly so the coke can was the least of its problems. She’d put in a maintenance report when she was finished. Laura quietly patted herself on the back for noticing the issue before it caused a major problem.

She braced her feet against the car wash wall again, clipped the can with the pliers and yanked it out. When the can gave, it gave completely and she found herself falling backwards, the heavy pliers flying out of her hand as she flopped down into the filthy water; the steel implement succumbing to gravity just as she had and landing with a crunching thud on her nose.

As she stumbled out of the car wash – bloody nose, covered in mud, old detergent and grease –  to reset the machine. As she drunkenly stumbled – sweating, bleeding and dripping – into the molten spring sunshine she slammed straight into the rock hard chest of the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. 

And that was it. Lolly’s life as she had known it was over.

Craving Candy – Chapter 1

After all these years of hiding it, who knew it would be her guilty pleasure that would prove so useful.

It had been a long day, a tiring day. The kind of day that would not be long or tiring if she didn’t have the frustration of dealing with her family.
She’d tried to relax by meeting friends for coffee but they’d spent the time complaining about their children and grandchildren in the way that parents and grandparents did when they were actually bragging.

The second Mrs Park’s daughter had been promoted and was working so hard and so successfully as a lawyer that she was never home. Thin Mrs Yuen’s son expected her to be on call to look after her adorable brilliant twin grandchildren who were so precociously and exuberantly gifted they ran her ragged.

Third Mrs Park’s daughter was sleeping on the streets as part of an extended CEO sleep out. (On the streets! Can you imagine?!) Fat Mrs Yuen’s daughter was volunteering with Médecins Sans Frontières in the most dangerous places without any concern for her (clearly very proud) mother’s feelings.

Her friend Cynthia who, through a complicated family history of marriages was a Chinese woman who’d somehow gained the last name MacDonald – while her cousin was a red-haired, green-eyed woman with the last name Chen – was complaining that her perfect son was throwing away his PhD by marrying the first daughter of a corporate family and accepting a management position in their property development dynasty.

As for her? The first Mrs Park? The doyenne of the group? The First Lady of this elite circle? The owner of the nationwide Tran Park Whitegoods and Electrical? The mother of the CEO of Park Holdings; the umbrella company that housed no less than five subsidiary companies?

Her family complaints were real and so she felt she couldn’t share them at all.

She simply sipped her soy flat white and nodded sympathetically; flinching inwardly with every dot point being added to the list of family achievements strategically couched as embarrassments.

Her own children… how had she let this happen?
Where did it all go so wrong?

Mrs Park had had a moment of rebellion that morning. She had waved away her driver and insisted on taking the bus to the cafe. The look of surprise, judgemental concern and slight contempt on the faces of her friends did not chasten her. If anything it had emboldened her.

“You’re so good,” they gushed but when they got home they’d be texting each other rumours of her possible financial troubles. She wondered how long it would be before their WhatsApp group chat was cloned, with one noticeable absence.

Let them. Her family could buy all of theirs twice over.

When she came to this country a bus pass was all she could afford. Food other than rice and an egg was a luxury. Vegetables were grown in a patch outside; mangos and avocados on a tree by their back fence. Money was merely a path to security for herself and her family. Anything else was obscene. Money denoted nothing except the luck of stability, time and circumstance. It could be washed away in a heartbeat through no fault of your own and come to you again through no skill of your own. Why couldn’t her children see that? How did she fail to pass this down? Did they think it was only the rich who worked hard?

When she finally got home, she was forced to spend some time counselling the servants. That was really the last straw. These were women doing their best to work and support their families. Just because they cleaned their toilets didn’t mean they deserved to be treated as less than people. Hell, she’d cleaned the odd toilet in her life too.

She helped to organise the next day’s menu and gave the youngest girl – just 23 and supporting a baby by herself – two days paid leave. The child couldn’t afford to quit no matter what happened in that house and her son must have known that (didn’t he?). She wondered when the larrikin nature he’d acquired from their new home country had turned into cruelty. Maybe it was already too late?

She shook her head of her problems and sent all the staff home to their families early. They deserved it.

Besides, it was time.

Her dramas were on.

Craving Candy: Chapter 3

Sometimes she wondered what had drawn her to Korean dramas (other than her desire to connect with her new mother-in-law to be). A woman who never let her obligations interfere with the latest episode of her drama, preferring the sweeping Sageuks and modern Makjangs to the lower-key romcoms. It was the one sliver of kinship she and the woman had. It was only when they were watching dramas that she felt it suddenly: short-lived and explosive like a burst jelly of happiness. Like they really were family.

Then it was gone.

There was more than that of course. Hadn\’t she watched them before she met her own handsome male lead? Was it just that they were glossier pieces of television? Was it the pull of the global Hallyu wave; millions connecting across Asia over its visions of perfect beauty and consumer appeal? Or was it something deeper, something more fundamental, something she’d internalised that she didn’t even realise was within her.

“She’s so annoying!” her daughter would exclaim, after she’d forced her to watch a drama with her and before she left the room in frustration at the female lead. Her beautiful, luminous, stubborn and free-spirited daughter who had gone native, preferring cricket to studying and glorying in the freedom that came with being the second girl child in a second generation Australian-Korean-Vietnamese family.

Grandparents who worshipped her older brother, the desired first born male. While she – ignored – did whatever she wanted. Unaware of just how much her (secretly) proud mother covered for her (even while she quietly smarted from her child’s sharp tongue, withering Aussie sarcasm and learned bluntness). 

“Why does she need to choose either of them?! Be single!” she bellowed in her increasingly broad accent and clumped out of the room as though her feet were clad in boots and not house slippers; spinning dangerously through the house like a post-adolescent tomboy cyclone.

She, secretly proud and envious of her daughter’s oblivious lack of consideration and Asian manners, had given her a sociocultural explanation of Candies. But while she had tried to intellectualise the phenomena she couldn’t help but let her mask slip. Thankfully her daughter’s brash rebellion against the family had made her poor at nuance. She hadn’t noticed. She’d simply rolled her eyes, yelled, “Whatever! They’re just saying women should be submissive and dependent!” and had left the room again.

She\’d heard her a short time later doing angry laps in the pool. She could never get her out of the water. Just another way in which she was drawn in opposition to her mother and her grandmothers. Before long she\’d be pulling her out of bars and telling her to wear makeup and she\’d go out drinking till dawn; bare-faced and in jeans and doc martins just to spite her.

Not long now.

She thought back to her daughter\’s angry curses at her favourite Candies and inside she had shrivelled a little more. But that’s me she wanted to tell her, that’s me! 

Poor background. Difficult childhood. Large loving family. Hardworking. Three jobs. Never seeming to make progress in an unfair world. And then the ascendence of justice in an otherwise disordered universe. Marrying up. Disapproving in-laws. Financial security for life and a handsome loving husband. That’s me, she wanted to yell after her in an unseemly explosion of emotion. THAT’S ME!

Who still cleans her mother-in-law’s home? Spends days cooking for her husband’s ancestors? Who calmly takes every insult, every subtle piece of bullying, every backhanded compliment? Who visits her sick mother-in-law every day while her own mother, equally ill, gets seen barely once a week? Who smiled through 32 years of humiliation knowing how much worse it would have been if her husband’s parents hadn’t actually liked her? 

I am Candy! That’s me! I’m Candy! Me! Me! Me!

Or was she?

She’d worked hard and she’d achieved. She didn’t marry her money, she’d made it. Her husband had barely brought a cent from his family\’s vast wealth to the relationship . His family of four boys, her husband the youngest. His family that wasn’t interested in sending much inheritance his way. His family that had expected him to achieve and was likely to have been brutal if he hadn’t pole-vaulted up to their unrealistically high expectations. A family who had liked her a great deal and had supported the marriage enthusiastically believing her to be the perfect driver their incurably relaxed son needed.

And now she stood at the pinnacle of an empire, a family, a share portfolio. 

Lately she looked in the mirror and saw the awful truth for the first time. 

She wasn’t Candy at all. She was the evil Chaebol. 

She was the moneyed elite, the predator at the top of the social food chain. And her beloved son? Her beautiful little boy who had started life apologising to flowers he accidentally trampled and had ended up torturing the house staff and acting as though the world was a playpen he would never have to clean up?

Her son was the worst tsundere second-generation Chaebol ever born.

And if she knew her dramas, she knew this. She knew what was missing from this story. If she wasn’t Candy then she needed to find one. Candy was the calm and stabilising influence she needed. Candy who understood the value of things, the need for hard work; who was ready to be swept off her feet by luxury, forbidden romance and a need to prove her own worth to a judgemental future mother-in-law. Candy who would redeem her son with her blinding goodness and purity; give him something to work for and to protect. 

Neither grandmother would approve but she didn’t care and their opposition would even be useful. Her son’s soul was more important than his success. And she would save him if she died trying – even from herself.

After all, if she was the evil Chaebol then she should act like one. Chaebols used their wealth and power indiscriminately without consideration of others. Chaebols used people, broke the unspoken rules of society and would do everything in their power to have their way.

An evil Chaebol wouldn\’t hesitate to drawn Candy in, use her and throw her away when she was done. It was time she embraced the truth of herself and what she had the power and resources to do.

Yes, she said to herself, as she drained the last of her bottle of wine and turned off the television (at the end of an episode 1 that, in her opinion, had had too much exposition and flashbacks). 

She needed Candy. Candy would fix everything. 

Then she sighed to herself as she headed to the kitchen to fix herself a late-night snack.

Poor Candy. 

Craving Candy: Chapter 2

Her grandmother had loved \’her stories\’.

Some of the happiest times in her childhood were sitting on the lumpy uncomfortable couch beside her wiry mother\’s mother; a woman who never seemed to be still unless her shows were on. A tiny woman whose couch barely registered her bird-like presence.

As her grandmother had aged, she had become more and more gaunt; the years carving out her face and stick-like arms while her friends in her new country blew up like pale engorged balloons and had pendulous breasts that sat upon their swelling abdomens.

Asian women sunk into themselves, white women bloated. Both looked at each other with envy; one for their white skin and apparent prosperity disease and the other for their doll-like physiques and apparent warm healthy glow.

In the evenings in that small house in that small dusty street – as the searing sun finally dipped below the horizon and night descended in a furious rush of humidity and mosquitos – their neighbours trundled over to throw meat on the barbeque and feed them strange new dishes such as potato bake, and cauliflower bake and coleslaw (disgusting wet cabbage!) and then huddled in their tiny living room to watch General Hospital and other American soaps.

Evening was the closest her new country got to the home of her childhood. The short sharp dusk sparking a cacophony of cicadas and bugs and strange new birds swelling in the air around them and then going suddenly eerily silent in the darkness; the night\’s suburban quiet broken only by the odd curlew or gecko.

On Sundays after a lacklustre and half-hearted sermon at the local Catholic Church, they would shuffle on in to that same living room to watch dramas from her homeland. Smuggled in illegally on tapes for the old creaking VCR and translated in real time by her brilliant Aunt who had picked up English as fast as French, Chinese and her native Vietnamese.

At first the neighbours had cast eyes at them askance, fresh off the boat and free finally from their demoralising stint in a series of refugee camps. But the God of the Sacrament and the God of the Stories had brought them together in the end, slowly but irrevocably. They were a part of something.

Her mother was Buddhist, staunchly so, and had refused to convert. But her grandmother had embraced Catholicism just as she had embraced capitalism and even embraced the Chinese restaurant she cleaned and cooked and waited in from 6am till the end of the dinner rush, with only a break for those small dramatic interludes with women with which she had everything and absolutely nothing in common.

They lived in one 3-bedroom suburban house, the nine of them. Her two sisters, mother, grandmother, Aunt, two girl cousins and a distant relative they\’d taken when they ran. He was trapped in a house of oestrogen, one unburdened by the demands of demanding men and driven by three imperatives – family, religion, work.

Her mother and grandmother muddled along despite their new but vast spiritual divide. As a child, her job had been to study study study. Whether to honour her ancestors or to not commit the sin of idleness: in the end both generations came to the same conclusion. Her job was to pull her family out of its sudden, devastating, newly-discovered poverty through her grades.

Eleven years old when they\’d finally left the camp and barely 12 on arrival. She\’d picked up English quickly and aggressively, out of necessity but also out of skill. She had the benefit of her Aunt\’s talent and teaching – the perfect confluence of nature and nurture. And by the time she started highschool with her peers at 13, she was speaking like a native and happily spending her Sunday afternoons on that couch helping her Aunt translate dramas in real-time for her pale, fleshy neighbours who always brought her strange but beautiful baked goods – lamingtons, Anzac biscuits, jam drops. All washed down with bitter Bushell\’s Tea and instant Moccona drunk with barely any sugar.

In exchange, her talented mother grew vegetables in a large back yard, punctuated with the ubiquitous Hills Hoist clothesline trapped in concrete in the centre of the quarter-acre block. She took gifts of meat she then turned into noodle soups and stir fries and served ice coffee, sickly sweet with condensed milk.

In other suburbs, worlds collided with a bang or moved around each other in an intricate dance of avoidance, like a moving Venn diagram with the circles for \’work\’ or \’school\’ overlapping in small slices while the giant wheels around them barely meshed.

But in their small pocket, their blip in the suburban wasteland of middle Australia, they somehow fit together and that feeling of community, of belonging, of togetherness through difference would stay like a core inside her. Like her core of dramas.

In recent years, she\’d swapped the manic soaps of her youth for the glossier Korean makjangs and endless weekenders. Sold as bootleg DVDs and then available on illicit steaming sites and then on legitimate ones with fast English subtitles and eventually on Netflix. Every aspect of her life – even this – had become so easy.

Maybe that was the real problem. The real prosperity disease.

Not the jowls and the sinking bosoms of her grandmother\’s CWA-supporting, churchgoing, hardworking blue collar white friends but this endless 24-hour ease.

Her life – hard work, struggle and penny pinching till the end of her MBA – had smoothed out since she and her Uni boyfriend took on the whitegoods business his Korean parents had started and turned into a success. And hadn\’t that been what she\’d liked about whitegoods? The ease? The years crammed into that small house with the unnecessarily-huge backyard and her mother\’s constant grinding domestic work – wash, wash, wash – and all by hand.

Ease. A women\’s ease.

She had proven to have the head for business; the late Mr Park the skill of relationships. He was a kind man, a personable and empathetic man, a natural people person. She was not, had never been.

He\’d stayed in Sales and Marketing while she had climbed her way to CFO then CEO then president and now Chairwoman of the Board. People could talk nonsense about her \’marrying well\’ but her husband and in-laws at least saw the truth. It was him in all his laid back, unambitious glory that had married well.

The first Mrs Park turned on the television and sighed. She\’d married well, that was for certain – just not by their standards nor the standards of her own mother and grandmother.

He\’d been kind. Relaxed. Family oriented. He\’d loved her and his children more than work, more than wealth, more than his family\’s status or his parents\’ face. He\’d have rather made time than money but had understood the memory of financial insecurity and the desire to prove herself in this strange new homeland that had driven her ambition.

He\’d let her be her and loved her for it.

\”She works so many hours and her house is still spotless!\” her in-laws would gush, unaware of the awful truth that he was the one who got up at 5am to do the cooking and cleaning. It was he who stayed up while she was in the office, scrubbing toilets and washing floors, preparing the next day\’s meals and claiming credit for none of it when relatives commented on it.

\”Yes her women\’s work is always done,\” he\’d say earnestly as though it was physically possible for her to work 16 hours at the office, keep her house spotless and take care of two children. The things we expect of women.

She\’d lain awake at night dreaming of the day when they could afford the domestic help to take the pressure off his endless, unvalued, invaluable support of her dreams.

What would he think of their son and his bullying? His entitlement?

Maybe her mother was right and she should have been home more. Maybe financial security wasn\’t the most important thing she could have given him. If only her husband had lived longer. She surely wouldn\’t have made such a fundamental mistake if he hadn\’t abandoned her like this.

She kicked off her designer shoes and settled on the couch in her perfectly-coiffed glory, wine in hand, pearls around her neck. There were no uncomfortable lumps in this couch, no harsh scrubbed floors in her pristine, palatial home, no grainy bootleg in her DVD player.

She wondered when she\’d started to look like the Chaebols in her dramas or even if she\’d unconsciously moulded herself in that image. Maybe those years of them all crammed into that tiny suburban home watching images of glamour on their heavy small-screened television had given her an image of success distorted by America\’s neoliberal cult. Maybe this was where she\’d gone wrong?

Or maybe, just maybe this was where she could make it right.

Because today of all days, her drama gave her an idea. Maybe not a good idea. But an idea nonetheless. If dramas were the cause of her problems, maybe they could also be the solution.

Craving Candy: Chapter 1

After all these years of hiding it, who knew it would be her guilty pleasure that would prove so useful.

It had been a long day, a tiring day. The kind of day that would not be long or tiring if she didn’t have the frustration of dealing with her family.
She’d tried to relax by meeting friends for coffee but they’d spent the time complaining about their children and grandchildren in the way that parents and grandparents did when they were actually bragging.

The second Mrs Park’s daughter had been promoted and was working so hard and so successfully as a lawyer that she was never home. Thin Mrs Yuen’s son expected her to be on call to look after her adorable brilliant twin grandchildren who were so precociously and exuberantly gifted they ran her ragged.

Third Mrs Park’s daughter was sleeping on the streets as part of an extended CEO sleep out. (On the streets! Can you imagine?!) Fat Mrs Yuen’s daughter was volunteering with Médecins Sans Frontières in the most dangerous places without any concern for her (clearly very proud) mother’s feelings.

Her friend Cynthia who, through a complicated family history of marriages was a Chinese woman who’d somehow gained the last name MacDonald – while her cousin was a red-haired, green-eyed woman with the last name Chen – was complaining that her perfect son was throwing away his PhD by marrying the first daughter of a corporate family and accepting a management position in their property development dynasty.

As for her? The first Mrs Park? The doyenne of the group? The First Lady of this elite circle? The owner of the nationwide Tran Park Whitegoods and Electrical? The mother of the CEO of Park Holdings; the umbrella company that housed no less than five subsidiary companies?

Her family complaints were real and so she felt she couldn’t share them at all.

She simply sipped her soy flat white and nodded sympathetically; flinching inwardly with every dot point being added to the list of family achievements strategically couched as embarrassments.

Her own children… how had she let this happen?
Where did it all go so wrong?

Mrs Park had had a moment of rebellion that morning. She had waved away her driver and insisted on taking the bus to the cafe. The look of surprise, judgemental concern and slight contempt on the faces of her friends did not chasten her. If anything it had emboldened her.

“You’re so good,” they gushed but when they got home they’d be texting each other rumours of her possible financial troubles. She wondered how long it would be before their WhatsApp group chat was cloned, with one noticeable absence.

Let them. Her family could buy all of theirs twice over.

When she came to this country a bus pass was all she could afford. Food other than rice and an egg was a luxury. Vegetables were grown in a patch outside; mangos and avocados on a tree by their back fence. Money was merely a path to security for herself and her family. Anything else was obscene. Money denoted nothing except the luck of stability, time and circumstance. It could be washed away in a heartbeat through no fault of your own and come to you again through no skill of your own. Why couldn’t her children see that? How did she fail to pass this down? Did they think it was only the rich who worked hard?

When she finally got home, she was forced to spend some time counselling the servants. That was really the last straw. These were women doing their best to work and support their families. Just because they cleaned their toilets didn’t mean they deserved to be treated as less than people. Hell, she’d cleaned the odd toilet in her life too.

She helped to organise the next day’s menu and gave the youngest girl – just 23 and supporting a baby by herself – two days paid leave. The child couldn’t afford to quit no matter what happened in that house and her son must have known that (didn\’t he?). She wondered when the larrikin nature he’d acquired from their new home country had turned into cruelty. Maybe it was already too late?

She shook her head of her problems and sent all the staff home to their families early. They deserved it.

Besides, it was time.

Her dramas were on.

Infection

The infection was everywhere.

She looked down at the sample through the layers of fine optical glass and sighed. The organism was clearly dying; the virus consuming it piece by piece as it multiplied and expanded. Soon it would suffocate; leaving nothing but a husk in a universe of husks.

She could see the lifeforms spread out in front of her; living symbiotic elements combining to make one unique whole. She wanted to call it beautiful – even the black streaks consuming the rest like a cancer were in their way beautiful. She realised her Inhibitor was on, smiled for a moment, then allowed herself the thought unobserved.

It was beautiful.

Its illness was also lethal and extremely malignant.

She could see clearly the sites forming. It was preparing to expel itself into a new host. Some spores had already been detected surprisingly far from its home; far enough to even have attracted their attention. Those pieces were benign and had been left unmolested. But as she had drawn closer to the organism, she had seen the expulsions become more common, more intrusive. More sophisticated. They could not survive long outside the host but they were learning, adapting. They were a clear risk.

She tapped her Inhibitor off and drew in her mind the vision of the limb outstretched.

She received back the image of limb on limb. Her thoughts were no intrusion.

The tests are complete, she reported, but I need confirmation. The consequences of my conclusions are too stark.

She saw an image in her mind of an asteroid stuck in a tight orbit. She sighed again at the delay. The Eradication should require consideration, not the need for a full review. But she waited silently as instructed.

A solar flare. A planet stripped bare.

She turned off her Inhibitor and looked at the sample and tried to contain her bipedal instinct to flee. This was her research, her conclusions and her recommendation. Her work had been reviewed and far more quickly than she had anticipated: clearly, they shared her concerns. Her task was clear.
It didn\’t mean she had to like it. Life was life, after all, even one as dangerous as this.

She closed her eyes for a moment. With the Inhibitor on, it was though she was the only mind in the Universe. It was strangely comforting. It was strangely terrifying.

She looked down at the blue green world beneath her. It reminded her of her half-remembered past as a component of a lifeform just like this. Running through fields under blue skies. Diving into slate green water. Being a part of something greater but permanently separated into her individual unit. Unable to connect with the whole she was a part of. Just herself.

It was as vague as a dream. It was a remnant.

That feeling of disconnectedness; that she remembered. She’d felt distinct from everything around her. It was no surprise she’d done so much unwitting damage. Just like they had.

But for a short while she had also been happy. She was sure of it.

She shook her head to clear it.

Her memory function was flawed anyway. A basic knowledge of biochemistry told her that.

She opened her eyes again and pressed the sequence; her mind still flowing over half-formed nostalgia. The bioweapon launched and entered the atmosphere below. The virulent pathogen would soon be eradicated, although its damage to the planet would last for eons. But with the infection eliminated, life could now go on undisturbed.

She switched off the Inhibitor.

It\’s done. Time to Eradication, 2.3 light years. Confirm specimen retrieval.

The light of the sun dancing on the magnetic field of home.

Hers. It was as though they knew what she had been thinking. Which of course they did. That was unimportant. They also understood why she had been thinking it and that was what mattered.

They were pleased. She was ambivalent, as she always was.

They knew that too.

She turned the Inhibitor back off and looked down at the planet below. Even now, the specimen of the disease was stored in her lab. There were years of study for her ahead. First they would need an Inhibitor: access to a being’s thoughts were a choice.

But for now she stood in both mourning and victory at the life eradicated and the life saved.

Third planet from the sun.

Soon it would be free.

And in her lab the human child was waiting.

The Lonely Cicada

In the beginning there was darkness and he didn\’t yet know that was not an original thought. Later, he might say he woke up or became conscious or opened his eyes for the first time. For now, it was enough to say: he was not and then he was.

He moved automatically, autonomically, and he could see. And he knew he knew what that meant. The facility\’s motion sensor\’s had triggered the lighting. He heard a clunk and felt a gush of air and knew the air-conditioning system had also kicked in. Light and air. He knew he knew what they were. Later he might say he knew he was alive. But at that time, he knew only that something existed.

That something might have even be him.

When he\’d first woken, he\’d walked the length of the bunker from the barren lower levels stripped of oxygen, heat and light to the glowing dome full of teeming hordes of life. It was the centre of the facility, this biosphere. This snow globe of the past. This Brave New World with no fascinated anthropologist looking in on it in wonder.

He did not know how it had survived for so many years without intervention. In this, at least, the designers had done their job. The light was artificial, the air recycled, the precipitation, moisture and temperature controlled. But life had flourished while he\’d slept. While the people who had retreated here for the world\’s ictus, its raptus, its disease that walked and talked and destroyed, were themselves wiped from history with barely a trace.

He\’d found no bodies, no evidence of death, no logs or records. Nothing to explain why he woke, alone, so many years later. Not even an atmospheric Croatoan written on the walls. No living descendants running around his feet as he explored the recreation areas; no babies crying in the nursery; no elderly enjoying their retirement in the nursing home. No doctors in the labs or the medical centre or the gleaming, chirping, crying biosphere.

An ark with Noah missing and the animals still in their pens.

The digi-centre was full of names. Names for things. Names for people. Names for places. Names for names. A world of words in a hundred different languages or more. When he first awoke, it was the digital library that he retreated to; his programmed response to stimulus, His Input, Stephanie.

The centre of the facility was the biosphere: that transcendent, city-sized dome of vibrant, chaotic life. But the digi-centre was its mind, its memory. It was the past. His past. The past of those who had touched so lightly upon its surface before dissolving into fragmented video files and digitised records and a joyous cry of being from before. Before the bunker and before now. Before he walked these empty, sterile halls from room to useless, vacant room before sitting, transfixed, as the past spoke to him from a cramped library containing the whole world.

Sometimes he wondered why he bothered maintaining the biosphere: he needed neither the water nor the food, nor the air. But when he walked through the gardens and the greenhouses and saw the budding life and heard the drone of insects in the sweet air, he knew it was something other than logic that motivated his reasoning. Even in the simulated evergreen autumn, life was there. Everywhere.

He found other life comforting. Perhaps this was the real reason he\’d wandered so far from the facility. What he\’d been searching for when he emerged from that chilled tree of knowledge; its roots snaking into his artificial neurons.

Life. But not just any life. Life that surrounded and included him. Life that he could feel a part of. Life that made him feel that he was alive. Even if he technically wasn\’t.

The endless scorched desert beyond the facility, the giant lifeless waves that crashed on empty beaches made him feel only an emptiness. The bush tomatoes, plums and yams in the biosphere were an improvement compared only to that wasteland that awaited him outside this cocoon.

It was the drone of the bees and the clicks of the cicadas that made him feel some small sense of that internal wasteland being populated. Of that need for what he could only call community, even though it was something he had never experienced.

Hours spent in the digi-centre, studying the electronic detritus of all those dead civilisations had taught him this: the insects at least had each other. Even when they slept.

And so while he\’d absorbed every scrap of the sap of the human history, from flickering monitors deep underground, he\’d ventured more and more upwards to the dome. To life.

To ensure the maintenance of the ecosystems, the facility designers had built in control for ambient temperature, humidity, rainfall and other necessary seasonal changes. He\’d found himself most often in the temperate zone: a museum to 21st century Tasmania and Victoria. Cattle and sheep country, although no ruminants had survived. They hadn\’t had enough space and their methane emissions were too much for the biosphere scrubbers to handle.

The engineers who had calculated that restriction had seen the irony; although it had taken him longer. Irony, like metaphor, was a skill he\’d learned from the voices of the past; muffled in that tiny viewing room.

The tropical zone lurched between a simulacrum of dry savannah and intense rain; though nothing could simulate the driving, blinding monsoon he\’d seen in old news reports and read about in novels.

When the dragonflies of the country\’s North zipped thickly through the hot, dry air, the cicadas of the alpine region bred and lived and died and their zone was often silent as their larvae lay in the soil awaiting a completely artificial spring.

From the surface, a plane flying overhead would see the solar farm; a massive infrastructure investment the new Australian government had made far too late. The panels disguised the entrances; small huts with lifts from the surface going deep underground.

The panels also obscured the vents for the bunker\’s piece de resistance, the ventilation system that allowed clean, fresh air to circulate around the building and the pipes that pumped water through the walls as a part of a natural air-conditioning system.

Of course, the world was still full of planes but there were no more pilots. He wondered if the remaining people found their way into hangers and airports and approached these giant machines as the Apes once viewed the Monolith in Kubrick\’s 2001.

Maybe they stripped them for metal or leather or tools. Maybe they worshipped them as some sort of post-hoc cargo cult. Or maybe they just destroyed them in fear. Maybe they never developed curiosity about those hangers at all.

The Cicada in his habitat explored his world. Why wouldn\’t they? The descendants of those who made it to the moon?

That moon that still hung in a sky of stars unchanging as below it everything changed. So quickly. Sometimes he’d spend days just looking at the satellite feed.

Those satellites: still recording, still transmitting, still communicating in the star-streaked sky about his head, his bunker, his Earth, his sky. Like him, they stood sentinel. Alone. They were his link to a world separated from him by distances so vast that one being alone could not cross it.

There was a small community in what was left of Tasmania: rural, dysfunctional, violent. Empty, icy buildings where the failed attempts at Antarctic colonisation went horribly, brutally wrong. A seemingly-idyllic mountain community in Canada that he had watched wiped out by disease in a post-antibiotic world. A few nomadic war-like tribes in what was once Siberia.

A clan of Berbers in Morocco with access to one of the world\’s greatest solar farms. If it wasn\’t for the panels providing light, heat and cooling, you\’d think they were simply going about their Berber lives as if time had not touched them in 2000 years. A tiny human society on Socotra: the home of Dragon Trees and sun-blasted dusty settlements drowned nearly to the mountains by the ocean. Supporting 1,000 peaceful, gentle people concerned with the natural patterns of life.

And so inbred by now they too were on the verge of extinction.

The satellites were a comfort but they did not make him God. He was not-all seeing and, despite the vast resources of the digi-centre, not all-knowing either. There were others, he was sure. Extinction was a journey. And they had stretched to every corner of the Earth before it all came crashing down.
Surely Africa – vast and varied – had huddled masses cowering in its bright heart and not just on a tiny island off the coast of Yemen. Not that the word \’Yemen\’ meant anything anymore.

Surely there were more in the endless vastness that was still Australia, even as an ocean carved its way through the continent and the edges crumbled to the sea.

But still, surely. Surely. Surely.

He needed maintenance but neither food nor sleep and he sometimes found days, weeks, months had passed while he tracked satellite after satellite; watching them slide into range, download their precious cargo of images into his servers and then sorting and reviewing them while that space sentinel moved along his path again.

Spy satellites, communication satellites, Google satellites, NASA climate satellites that still sent back the invaluable climate data to which few had cared to pay attention. Unaware, as satellites were, of the irony of their continued efforts in a failed endeavour.

NASA had, before its defunding by the North American Theocratic Orthodoxy, loaded 3D printers on the satellites allowing them (and now him) to repair them remotely.

Once he was no more, there would finally be nobody. They would be alone. And then they would fall. And then all of it really would be gone.

Sometimes he thought about that thought. The thought of nothingness. Would be welcome or fear it? Could his logic circuits handle the ambiguity of ambivalence? The neural net that simulated these emotions, could it handle the too-human desire for annihilation accompanied by the terror of it? Or would he eventually crawl back into that dirt bed comforted by the notion that he could be reactivated – even if he never was.

He walked slowly through the biosphere, the cicadas clicking and buzzing around him and wondered if they too contemplated the horror and release of death in their final moments. It was the one thing his study, his determined knowledge seeking would never tell him. He could learn everything minute aspect about the insects around him but it would never be enough. True understanding would elude him.

Before the bunker, cicadas could not be bred or studied in captivity. Entomologists spent hours, days, weeks, years in the field studying the different species in their natural habitats Some species spent 15 years or more as nymphs buried in homes underground, invisible to those of us trampling about above.

The greengrocer was the most numerous and he had time. All he had was time. The adult greengrocer cicada lived in adult form for only six weeks but its nymphal stage lasted between six or seven years. He had sat in the biosphere for those first few weeks, transfixed by the swarms of insects; males buzzing in the artificial day as they sang for a mate.

After mating, they\’d laid their eggs and he\’d watched them hatch into nymphs and burrow into the ground until the time came to emerge. He\’d then waited avidly till the next October when their cousins would emerge; studying them in detail before they too moved their lives underground.

He\’d had years to wait until that first brood he\’d studied re-emerged but each new spring brought forth a chittering community: males vibrating their tymbals to attract a mate. He\’d managed to catch one or two and observe the contracting muscles resound through the membrane and then click as they fell back into place.

He\’d sat in the greenhouse for hours, days, weeks that whole month of November as his brood lived out their short, sharp lives, mated and died and their progeny slithered under the soil to rise again. And he\’d sat in the facility for weeks, months, years, while other generations clicked and hissed around him. Waiting for that brood; those children of children to re-emerge.

But as he stood in the chilled frost of a manufactured autumn with six months to go to their re-emergence, he heard a chirp.

One cicada, out of time. Letting out a long series of lonely echoing calls for a mate that would never come.

He called the cicada Stranger.

The chorus of the greengrocer sounded like a high-pitched perpetual vibrating buzz of sounds; a wall of white noise that hit his manufactured eardrums like a rotating saw. Alone, Stranger\’s call was an irritating intermittent siren. A mournful, hopeful, hopeless song that begged a question no one would ever ask.

Every night Stranger called but no one answered. There was no one there.

He wondered what it would be like to go back to the past and see the world\’s chaotic hotspots: Buenos Aires, Rio, Delhi, Calcutta, Beijing. Through poverty and out the other side of privilege to sex, drugs and the resort comfort of the rich. Margueritas on the beaches of South America, martinis overlooking the slums of India. So far from his baking, brown and red Australian home: one of the few squares of this Earth almost unchanged by the soaring temperatures, rising seas and saline soils. Already nearly uninhabitable before the transition and a perfect place for the shining fields of solar panels that had made his existence possible. The Australian sun: even hotter than it was before.

After he\’d woken and before he had Stranger to talk to, he\’d gone to the surface and walked for weeks hoping to find something other than sand and dust, and scurrying, burrowing reptiles and rodents hiding in the dirt from that persistent, perpetual cloudless heat.

No trees. No shade. No clouds. No rain. A panel paradise. A human hell.
He could have kept walking, nearly did, to the coastal zone; the former home of millionaire\’s homes, the focus of thriving cities and industries, the industrial waste dump of human history.

But he couldn\’t bear the thought of more soaring, empty beauty and so had turned back to his basement home. No one in front of him to pull him forward. Only the past whispering to him from the digi-centre. The past calling him from behind as he moved ever further into the future. Time.
If he fell, there was no one behind to catch him. Day after Day. Time after Time. Like Stranger, he found himself talking over and over and waiting for a response that never came.

Time was both something he had too much of and something he was losing with every day. Each new blazing, hidden dawn above the miles of concrete, reinforced beams and experimental biospheres taking him away from the life the planet had shrugged off in self defence. Time.

He\’d read every piece of literature he could get his hands on. Every play, every novel, every novella, short story. Even every Wikipedia entry in every language from the Internet Archive Project of 2022.

The cicadas of central eastern Australia and A web guide to the cicadas of Australia by L. W. Popple he\’d absorbed in a day; learning the old colloquial name for the Cyclochila australasiae cicadas in the biosphere. The Greengrocer. Yellow Monday: the same species but a different colour, Redeye (Psaltoda moerens), Cherrynose (Macrotristria angularis) and Floury Baker (Abricta curvicosta); the latter of which was listed in the records as being in the biosphere but of which he\’d found no sign.

Why had it died out when the others had flourished? He would never know. According to Popple it had demonstrated the unusual behaviour of sitting upside down on trees. He would have liked to have seen that. He would have liked to have seen a lot of things.

He read Kafka and Marsden and Wyndham and Ben Okri and Orhan Pamuk and Lu Xun and Vikram Seth and Marx and Confucius and watched 3,452 cat videos. And then he got the 1,943 joke references to cat videos in popular television from the early 21st century. Or what he assumed was popular television. What he had was what was archived. The rest was lost.

What else besides the Floury Baker had skipped through history\’s cracks? At least it was listed on the facility\’s manifest. What million other things had been lost to time? Another smear in the technological Permian layer that had now been added to this planet\’s geological history. A layer of sludge and permanent plastic. The Athropocene. The Great Dying.

He wanted to see this beautiful jumble of humanity for himself. Somewhere like Bangkok. Locals, tourists, expats all streaming through night markets, night clubs, shopping centres, restaurants and temples. A beautiful, laughing, despairing mass of people; oblivious and happy and sad and alive. Live in 3D. In Sensurround. With Dolby Atmos and 48 frames per second.

He\’d met only one person in his long, short life. His name was the Doctor and he\’d spoken to him only a few times before his life in storage. The Doctor: his father, creator, progenitor. In his image and all those things. No police box. No sonic screwdriver. Just an engineer with a dream and a dwindling research budget. The Doctor hadn\’t named him. Just tinkered, given up and moved on; placing him apparently in the storage unit from which he\’d originally awoken. He would never know why the man whose face he bore felt him so unworthy.

He\’d named the Cicada. A silly name like the humans would have.

Stranger the Cicada. The poor, lonely Stranger.

The past was perhaps another country but the future was another universe. And one he could go to by himself – all he had to do was wait.
The crate in the storage area was the future in one long second of unconsciousness. We travelled forward without any effort at all.

The past, however. The past was forever unreachable.

All he could do now was chirp and hope that one day, someday somebody chirped back.

Dirty Bomb

I remember the morning. Do you? It was around 8am, at least in my lazy corner of the world. I was in my local coffee shop; writing. I still had a fantasy I would be a writer. Like everything else, I was too cautious and the moment passed. As it passed for everyone.

I\’d slept poorly the night before. There were strange imprecise noises, distorted by the clear, calm air of 2am. Popping. Banging. Pffts of air escaping. I thought it was animals; the small scurrying foraging kind. Or neighbours banging around, perhaps.

I checked the house. I checked the car. Nothing. So I went back to bed and had strange dreams of evil, choking winds shut out only by my flimsy windows.

When my alarm went off at 5:30am I wanted the sleep-in I was never able to achieve. But I got up anyway, had some Vegemite toast and a cup of tea, packed my bag, went to the gym and now I was in the closest cafe. Scribbling half-formed thoughts onto the page, drinking strong coffee and pretending I was a writer.

It was a cool, clear morning: the kind that put the beautiful and the perfect into Queensland\’s old tourism slogan. I didn\’t have a preferred cafe; choosing one depending on my mood, my budget, the weather. A hundred different unacknowledged things.

Often I launched myself from my bed and onto the mainland early so I could get to work at a decent hour but today I\’d decided to stay on my island and sip my coffee and watch ink flow impotently from my pen with a view of Moreton Bay.

When the first one fell, I thought it was rain from a cloudless sky: not uncommon on that coastline where winds could blow droplets from clouds well out of sight.

It hit the compact sand, fine like dirt, and let out a small burst of air like a gasp. It didn\’t smell. Don\’t let anybody tell you that it did. The fancifists who speak of sulphur fumes or flowery perfumes or formaldehyde are guilty of the same human flaws that led us here. I have no more time for them. I have no love left for anyone.
They dropped from the sky like rain, although they were not rain. They spit their cargo into the air like breath, although it was not breath. And then they dissolved into almost nothing, although they were not nothing.

Some fell near underfunded universities or neglected public research institutions like CSIRO. Some small specimens were quickly scraped and stored to be studied. And then those areas were defunded and the samples were handed to the private labs that acquired them and they determined there was no commercial value to the research and the samples mouldered in storage.

Is mouldered even a word? For that matter is fancifists? I\’m not sure I care anymore.

It made the news, of course. You remember. Morning television dubbed it TERRORISM and immediately trotted out every wild-eyed Islamaphobe they could find. They tried their best to whip up a fear frenzy but, as the day progressed, they had to acknowledge the truth: the small translucent missiles had rained down upon everybody. All at once. And they had pelted the ISS and some now-damaged satellites on their way to the surface.
And that was when the fun really began.

The Daily Mail could do headlines, although they rarely bothered to underpin them with journalism.

Alien Invasion?
Space Balls Change Human DNA, Scientists Claim
Chinese More Susceptible

The last wasn\’t even in the scientific paper the sensationalist article was pretending to discuss. It was a quote at the end by a Doctor Wakefield who claimed the findings showed we were inside a genetic Trojan Horse of alien design.

He claimed the subtle genetic changes attributed to the spheres were more significant in people of Asian descent – specifically those with an epicanthic fold – and more prevalent in Han Chinese.

The epicanthic fold was found across Asia and in other populations as well, including the Berbers and Indigenous Americans. So why were the Chinese singled out, I mused in a terse and sarcastic tweet on the article. And why did the Daily Mail include this racist addition from someone who wasn\’t even a geneticist in its headline, I asked in a follow-up quote tweet. They do know that people with Down Syndrome have an epicanthic fold as well, a follower tweeted back. We were united in our scorn. The Daily Mail doing what they do best.

A former CSIRO scientist I knew – newly unemployed of course – was scathing of the claim.

\”The substance released by the spheres does seem to be implicated in several epigenetic changes across the population. However, there\’s no evidence these epigenetic changes have any effect on people\’s health. The new genes expressed have no identifiable impact on anybody in which they have been observed. We need to do further studies of course, especially into the intergenerational consequences of these changes being passed down. But for now the changes seem inconsequential.\”

His comments were reported in the Herald Sun as:
Alien Gene Manipulation Could Be Passed To Our Children
Three exclamation points.

I turned off the television for good after one too many What Are the Aliens Planning? special news bulletins. Andrew Bolt interviewed Alan Jones on why we should all be scared. They all agreed the aliens had a plan. Why were the lefties and femininazis suddenly quiet about a real threat to our sovereignty? They were obviously alien sympathisers who hated humanity.
And so it went on. And on. And on.

And so I had a drop out day.

A drop out day was when I closed the blinds, grabbed a good book, brewed the coffee in quantities sufficient for an IV drip and pretended the world didn\’t exist.

I\’d spent the week in my normal routine of work and complaining about the increasingly-insane world I lived in. It was Saturday and refugees were still in hellhole concentration camps where people were being beaten and raped. Domestic violence was at epidemic proportions, something which was apparently a man-hating beat-up by the feminists. Climate change was marching quickly; destroying slowly the lives of billions and our government was still committed to actively making that happen. Universal healthcare was being sliced to an ugly death. Trump had been elected President of the United States.

It was too much and I was exhausted.

With my connection to the outside world severed and my brain in the world of a Jasper Fforde novel, I drank my weight in coffee and, after 3pm, gin and didn\’t hear about it until Sunday.

By then the horror was so well-advanced, the inevitability of it hit me like a dirty brick to the face and my drop out day seemed as selfish and as self-indulgent as it had been.

That previously-laughable rabble known as Border Force had quietly rounded up hundreds of Australians of Chinese descent and sent them to Nauru and PNG: sliding them across the border before the law could stop them.

In retrospect, that heinous act had been a culmination.

There had been rumours on quality new organisations like Al Jazeera for a while.

A mob in Malaysia burning Chinese businesses. An Islamic group in Pakistan declaring Jihad on those who were no longer God\’s Children. (You remember them: the Australian media insisted on mispronouncing their name as a type of soup).

The American pastor who claimed the Chinese were now a fifth column for the devil, working with the communist United Nations to take away his guns and make him pay more tax.

An anti-vaxxer in Britain who said the genetic changes were actually caused by vaccines and the government was in league with the pharmaceutical companies to cover it up. Those companies, he proclaimed in a peculiarly manic manner, were somehow both Zionist and Chinese.

In Japan, the Chinese population had quietly been interned, causing what was euphemistically called an \”international incident\”. The Japanese declared their population free of epigenetic changes; a fact that couldn\’t possibly be true but that was accepted by the international community for reasons I found baffling. The Chinese government insisted on their release and rattled some sabres. This was reported in the Australian media as further evidence of Chinese aggression.

After all, we\’d been nervous about China before G-Day. Han Chinese made up 20% of the world\’s population. And now – the papers and Murdoch news increasingly told us – it was possible they weren\’t even really human anymore. And if they were, well, those genetic changes meant something. Otherwise, why would the aliens have wasted resources making them happen?

I wasn\’t the most avid reader of popular news but even I couldn\’t miss the subtle change in language we\’d achieved by the second anniversary of G-Day. Suddenly these scattered epigenetic changes were referred to an \’alien infection\’. Humans were \’infected by alien code\’ and who knew what instructions our genome was now following.

Extremist groups were beginning to force the government to refer to these changes as \’Alien DNA\’ and no amount of rationality or logic could stop the terminology from spreading.

There had been a growing clamour for the genetically infected to be removed from the population for our own safety. But I had retained an instinctive belief that sort of thing simply didn\’t happen here. Even though my country already had concentration camps with people they considered no more than detritus rotting in them.

And yet. I woke up to a world where people with any Chinese ancestry were in jail for the crime of being born. And, I discovered later to my horror, those with Down Syndrome were among them.

Paralysed by the shock and outrage, I didn\’t know what to do; lost in a rage so large it was rendered impotent. Protests were organised but I did not go. Julian Burnside mounted an extensive suite of legal action, only to have the law washed from beneath his feet. Aliens couldn\’t be citizens and, even if they were still human, they harboured an alien genetic time bomb deep inside them that could blow up our species. The law, the High Court concluded, didn\’t apply. And if it did, then the law was changed. Quickly.

As a government employee, I was one of the first to find myself subjected to mandatory genetic integrity tests to determine the extent of my genetic damage. The few remaining public scientists – those not forced into the private research firms benefiting from the testing regime – protested. They said these kinds of epigenetic changes were seen at a population level. Individuals could easily have acquired them naturally. There was no way a single test could distinguish which changes were environmental and which were caused by the invisible substance the spheres had expelled so quietly.

As an Australian of English, Irish and Scottish descent, my genes were almost unaffected or so the test showed. To this day, I have no idea what criteria were used to assess this and I resigned in protest.

The scientific evidence was clear. There was no evidence these changes made any real difference to the human genome. These genes were in all of us: they just expressed in different ways. And our environment was just as likely to switch certain genes on as alien intervention. By the fourth anniversary of G-Day, genetic testing had stopped. It was expensive, after all, and we had definitively proved the changes were more prevalent in those people of Chinese descent. Or so we were told.

By now, logic was gone. All that was left was the long screeching cry of human territorial instinct.

Nauru and PNG were not large enough, of course, for the detention of the 1 million Chinese in Australia. As you no doubt remember, the largest camp was established on Norfolk Island. Norfolk residents were horrified but the now extra-legal, paramilitary Border Force could not be argued with and the Island found itself repeating its neighbour\’s colonial history in real time.

China had broken off all diplomatic ties. It had forged an unlikely alliance with North Korea and, in an historical quirk, South Korea too. Countries in South-East Asia, determined to assert their non-Chinese heritage while struggling with the reality of the widespread genetic anomalies in their own populations, formed a bloc to insist publicly that it was the Han Chinese that were the problem.

It was the loose conglomeration of Vietnam, Laos, Thailand and Burma that had begun the first state executions. I think. By this time, Al Jazeera was off the air and Al Arabiya had been stormed; their stations trashed and journalists indefinitely detained. Every other international network had fallen into line with their country\’s editorial policies. News was patchy and inaccurate and finding real information became increasingly difficult, even for those of us with first-world internet access.

News trickled out that Cambodia had set up refugee camps; throwing open their borders to the fleeing Chinese and defying their neighbours with every fibre of their impoverished, traumatised being. I do know that stopped when Vietnam invaded. After that, my knowledge of international developments was almost completely overtaken by propaganda and outright lies.

The Turnbull government had lost the last election in a landslide to the ultra-nationalist Australian Liberty Alliance who had quietly swapped out Muslims for the Chinese in their campaigning. They had almost immediately declared a national emergency, cancelled elections and choked off local access to social media. We were now the \’voice of the Alien Invasion\’: sympathisers and traitors and fifth columnists aiding and abetting an enemy. A VPN and proxy blocker worked for a small time before that small measure of anonymity was stripped away. We were alone.

Australia\’s camps were overflowing. Everyone\’s camps were overflowing. The Chinese were the most populous group on the planet. You may be offended by my choice of words but it remained a fact. The executions were the natural result of simple logic.

They could be sterilised and returned to their homes but the legal problems that would stem from mass sterilisation would come back to hurt them. They knew that. Those old white men with their hands gripped white on their pens. And who knew if they weren\’t just sleepers, ready to activate for their alien masters on a secret, silent command.

I don\’t remember exactly when the Human Standard was published. Maybe you do. Sometime around the 4th anniversary, I think. Nor did I ever find out where I would have rated on it. After all, my blonde hair, blue eyes and round eyes meant I would never be tested at all. I was automatically assigned an Alien Infiltration Level of 1.

The Standard Genetic Framework for Determining Members of the Human Species became a recognised international standard not long after the fourth anniversary of G-Day. An administrative and logistical way for them to begin to categorise the burgeoning camp populations outside of China.

I\’m sure independent scientists would have pointed out there was no such thing as a standard genetic framework for determining humanity. But they were now all in jail or silent with fear. After all, this was a time of war.
Logic and science had taken the last plane out of Canberra and we were just left with this. This senseless hate. Like an existential slap across the soul.

I was thrilled to be assigned an Alien Infiltration Level of 1. Completely human. And my rating didn\’t even require a new set of genetic testing. Although an old friend in the new Department of Genetic Integrity quietly told me I\’d been put on a watch list as a suspected Alien Sympathiser for my now-defunct Twitter account. If you\’re reading this, no doubt you were ranked low on the scale as well. A 1 or 2. Genetically unassailed. I bet you feel as special as I did. That was sarcasm, in case the art of irony has died along with everything else.

They call it the banality of evil for a reason. What could be more banal than a meaningless standard on a meaningless framework deciding whether you lived or died? I lived. And that seems just as meaningless now as everything else.

They started with the AIL5s. Alien Infiltration Level 5 meant noticeable epigenetic changes that had been passed to the next generation. Our invaders, we were now told, were playing a Long Game. It was becoming clearer the changes had no discernible effect, even to those with an epicanthic fold. It was becoming clearer the hate and the fear and the atrocities were pointless, directionless, irrelevant. And so it was becoming clearer they needed to be justified, even more than they were before.
I have no doubt there were special secret reports stamped with special secret codes filed in special secret rooms that admitted there was no real threat. But when you hop a freight train, you can\’t expect it to stop for you just because it\’s gone off the rails towards a cliff.

It was not this generation they were targeting, was the conclusion, but the future generations of humanity.

The Third Generation: Why We Will Cease Being Human by 2100 was a book by Doctor Wakefield published in the lead up to the fifth anniversary of G-Day. It become mandatory reading in school curriculums and I tried to do my civic duty by wading through it myself. I\’m sure you did too. After all, it was must-read literature. It was a pseudoscientific work of fiction that nonetheless formed the basis of many of our government\’s policies in that awful year.

Consensus, the new publication aimed at those concerned about the assault on the human genome drew on its themes heavily as did Pure; the journal by Humanity for Humanity.

The AIL5s were murdered. Worldwide. Quickly and systematically yet somehow slowly as though there was just enough time for this madness to end but not enough time for us to even recover from the shock. Nearly 10 million. Dead. With 20 million AIL4s to be next.
And that was when the world ended.

My island home was far enough away from the blasts. Brisbane did not get hit and we had power and water and a ferry service to the mainland. At least we did for a while. I suspect the Collapse would have eventually destroyed us too but at first our corner of civilisation still functioned – albeit without gin or a caffeine drip.

I\’m glad I took that drop out day. It was my last.

I believed, like most, that it was the Chinese-Korean Security Partnership that struck first. Pre-emptive self-defence. Or orders from their alien masters as some still tried to claim after the fact. But there were rumours it was Israel – using their illegal arsenal to enact Infiltration Eradication on a larger scale – that pressed that big red button first. And that they fired on Tehran and Riyadh as well.

Israel\’s Chinese population was negligible and most had left for the safety of the Chinese mainland long before the AILs were mandated. Israel had been waging a strong propaganda campaign that it was Arabs who were the greatest threat, despite no evidence the Arabic population had a greater genetic infiltration than their Semitic cousins.

Regardless of who fired first, by the time China\’s nukes were in the air, others were fired in response. How many cities were hit? How many billions dead? Did the India and Pakistan Common Area pact save them or did they turn on each other in the end? I will never know. Maybe you do. If you\’re reading this then you too were a survivor; a lucky one. No mushroom cloud. No radiation. No electromagnetic blast smashing your technological life back to the stone age.

You are also one of the few. As am I.

And so, like me, you\’ll have seen them. Now, after the literal smoke has cleared, flying above us in their ships; hovering sometimes over the survivors still struggling to keep the scraps of internet alive: sending messages into a dying world.

Their numbers are small. I\’m sure you\’ve noticed. And I\’m sure you\’ve realised that doesn\’t matter anymore.

If they could speak, those launchers of small harmless balls into space. If they could be bothered to communicate with the vestiges of pure humanity clinging to the planet they coveted for reasons we will never know. If they could read my diatribe, now ending, as I plan to throw it into that void where vibrant life danced for a brief moment.

I think they\’d say.

Thank you.

We couldn\’t have done it without you.

Superposition

Brisbane’s central P station was found behind a nondescript door built into an old colonial building beside one of its most famous squares. The door was labeled REST ROOM, dark brown and steel and with a tiny P on it in blue. A notice said that it was closed until further notice, although some passersby had clearly tried to use it for its stated purpose.

In the early mornings, a city employee would hose down the concrete and the smell of diluted urine and fresh water would slowly rise in the escalating heat. It was coming into summer; the sun rising early, hot and bright.

The P station was hidden in the shadows of its sunken entrance and the silhouette of the trees cast by the rising sun on the classic building\’s sandstone facade. Light cast off the modern tubes of glass and steel dominating the skyline.

Those entering by mistake would a find a small empty beige room with a locked elevator in it. Not that anyone could enter accidentally. The door was locked and needed a pass key to open.

Only Special Technicians and Officers got pass keys.

As a Senior Officer, keeping her pass key safe was imperative. The access policy stated that no-one could come and let you in or out of that room. Without it, she was stuck outside until a new one was re-issued: a three-month bureaucratic nightmare.

She pulled her unremarkable grey cardigan around her unremarkable grey suit. Just an unremarkable mid-30s office worker going about her business as the crisp morning gave way to a blazing day.

The analysis had come through late last night, so late she’d barely had time to race her cat to a friend’s house and hurriedly pack a small backpack. Her friend had come out to the verandah barely awake and taken the cat box blearily. 

“Another work trip?”

She’d simply nodded, unable to explain why it was so often she was sent away at short notice. In her awake state her friend was more curious and was starting to ask difficult questions that she was legally not able to answer. Her cover job explained business trips but not the urgency, the number nor the duration. Her last case had taken over a month and she’d had a very disgruntled friend and even more disgruntled cat when she’d returned. 

Of course, even if she were allowed to answer, she wasn’t sure her friend would be able to accept the explanation anyway.

Her birth had been difficult and in most universes she would not have survived. She was a rarity and the number of cases she’d investigated over the past year just proved that. 

Sometimes the existential angst of the whole thing set in but at other times she was simply happy to be able to apply her logic and inductive skills to something so lucrative.

The work paid extremely well; the fact she was one of the few people qualified to do it helped with that. 

She swiped her pass and opened the door, stepping into the room with the stride of a professional. Confident but slightly bored at the routine. She remembered the first time and her confusion, nervousness and youthful lack of assurance. A memory now.

There was a biometric sensor in the room that activated an alarm in a distant control room.

Who was in that control room? Where was it?

She would never know while she was a field officer.

Knowledge was power.

Dangerous.

All she knew was that the case file sent to her by encrypted dropbox the evening before had been sent anonymously as they always were. One time she’d lazily tried to trace back the point of origin and had gotten a stern encrypted email to stop. 

They could be a person in their pyjamas in a three-bedroom house in the suburbs. Or one of many employees in a giant building, stuck in a cubical lined with pictures of their dog. Again, she would never know. 

The lift unlocked. It was time.

Whoever was behind that camera in the ceiling knew what they were doing. She’d never had a misposition on a single mission, even if she had only a vague notion of how they did what they did. It worked. That’s all she knew, all she needed to know really.

It was time.

She slung her backpack over her shoulders and stepped into the elevator and turned to face the silent closing doors. There were no buttons. She had once included a request in her mission report for there to be buttons. 

Open.

Close.

Up.

Down.

They may not do anything but they would be comforting; the illusion of some control. 

As it was, the closed metallic box with the sheer silver walls was kind of terrifying if you thought about it for too long. She was glad she was never in there long enough to dwell on it too much.

In a philosophical mood after a few glasses of red on a lazy Saturday afternoon she had once thought the elevator was like the universe itself. A simile for reality.

No exit.

No control.

Unfiltered, reality was terrifying. Or maybe it wasn’t for ordinary souls going about their ordinary lives. But for her – knowing that the universe had an invisible exit sign? Knowing that there was a way out but that those controls were invisible and accessible by faceless others? They said a P station was built on every nexus point but she didn’t know who ‘they’ even were. How could she know if that was true?

Could you imagine? Going to do your groceries and walking off the escalator and into a completely different reality with another you already living your life and nowhere to put the melting icecream?

She shook herself. 

It hadn’t happened yet as far as she knew and certainly not to her. She needed to shut down her imagination, it was not her friend sometimes.

The elevator doors slid open as silently as they had closed and she saw the room in front of her again. She stepped out, remembering the first time she’d walked in and out of that small beige place. Her confusion. She was expecting it to be different and was disoriented. Was this some kind of scam? Was she the fool who had fallen for some grand and insane con?

No matter how many times she had stepped out of that elevator, she still questioned whether they’d positioned properly. What if she was just stepping back into her own world? 

When she opened the door from that room and walked discreetly into the other world, that was when she’d see it. Sometimes the street looked the same; the same buildings, the same cars. But there was always something if you looked carefully enough. 

The fashion. The hair. A sign out of place. 

In one world someone had had a bad accident on that intersection and they’d put in lights to stop the traffic from the cross street. In another, there was an unexpected by-election and signs were plastered everywhere.

Other times the differences were jarringly stark. The square next to the P station had a different statue in it or it wasn’t a square at all. The whole street had been redeveloped into high rises and a large multi-level shopping centre was where some generic colonial hero should have been.

Consumer world.

That one had been horrible.

She didn’t waste time cataloguing the differences. They had Multiverse Anthropologists for that as well as Transverse Linguists to chart language shifts (and trust the linguists to call themselves something like that). Reality Historians and Positioning Cartographers, those who made maps of space-time. Also – she had discovered on a recent mission to a world without any form of currency – Multiverse Economists.

Unlike the general public, she was able to access their research if she needed it. In this case, the reality she was visiting was so close to her own that no special access research was required. Which was good since she’d been given only a few hours to prepare for the mission.

She stepped into the street and was relieved the intel was accurate as usual. The street looked exactly the same; the only difference between this reality and the one she had come from was that the victim was still alive.

Reality Detectives operated secretly in this world as they did in hers so she would have to be careful at how she approached the victim. Thankfully, her doctored credentials as a police officer worked here and they had good Agency to Agency relations. Sure, the detectives she’d be working with would think she was an investigator from another jurisdiction rather than another universe. But they would cooperate, even if they would inevitably whinge about her lack of specifics on her case.

If anyone went looking for her in this reality they wouldn’t find her. She had not survived her birth here.

This was the reason she had this job and why she had been chosen for so many missions lately. She jokingly called it the Reality Prime Directive

(In her head anyway. She had no one with which to share in-jokes and all her attempts to include it in her official reports had been met with silence).

An Officer sent to a parallel world must not exist in that world

Reality Detectives were most valuable when they had few doubles in the multiverse.

The number of universes in which she had either never been conceived or had died in childbirth was so far 26. That was how many cases she’d investigated over the past 8 years and how many universes she’d been sent to. 

Who knew how many more there were?

Maybe she was unique.

There it was again, that existential horror. The feeling of being trapped. But also of annihilation, of being scrubbed from existence. She wondered how it would feel to know that there were many of you out there in the multiverse somewhere. 

Happy you. Sad you. Fun you. Rich you. Poor you. Successful you. Loser you.

She supposed being unique was better than realising you were the loser version of yourself. 

The Law of Reality Drift stated that in most universes you were likely to be very similar. Those outliers though. She wondered how crazy some people’s lives could get. After all, one decision was enough to spawn a universe. If that decision was big enough it could spark a cascade of decisions. 

Not that it mattered to her in the end. Her miracle birth had seen to that and the way she’d lived her life had deliberately cemented it.

No relationships. No children. No lovers. Few friends. No doppelgängers in parallel worlds to muddy her interactions there. Minimal Reality Footprint.

Her lack of attachments was why she got so much work and after a while it had seemed logical to maintain that disconnection. It made her perfect for this job but sometimes she wondered if she had made the right decision. 

It was not just her that was unique but her decisions. When she made eggs for breakfast, all other choices disappeared. Her life was a fact, potential observed. When she caught a train instead of a bus, there was no version of her who took that bus. Her decisions made no ripples in spacetime, they didn’t echo through the infinite universes. They were definite and quantifiable in the way that nothing else in the multiverse was.

And yet had she ever done anything to cause a ripple in the reality of her home universe either? Anything at all?

Other people her age had lives that were complicated and just straight up messy

Hers was as clean, smooth and metallic as that box elevator that had sent her here. As beige and end empty as that small room. She was a living P station. 

Pristine and extremely functional.

Consequently, the Cov2 virus that had ripped through her reality and this one as well had barely made an impact on her life. She put on her mask as she stepped into the fresh air of another crisp morning and that was her single nod to change. She thought back to the file about one small difference – here the virus was commonly called Covid19.

She stepped into a café that appeared to still be operating despite the pandemic and ordered a flat white. As she took a moment with her coffee she flicked through the digital file and reviewed the victim’s details.

Murders were the main instigator of a multiverse investigation. A chance to talk to the victim while they were still alive, a chance to track them while they could still be tracked. An analysis of murder investigations over the past decade had shown that a cross-universe investigation could improve the chances of finding the perpetrator by as much as a third. No doubt that explained the funding her mysterious employers seemed to be able to draw on.

This case was much the same as all the others. Something had gone wrong and someone believed that the normal investigative processes wouldn’t work. Someone else had agreed.

Coffee finished, she quietly slipped her encrypted phone into her bag and headed off to see her local contact. In a few days, after she’d identified the suspect, she’d be back again to the small room in that familiar street. 

She’d report her findings to whoever ran the Reality Bureau, wherever they were, and wait for her new assignment.

Again. And again.

This was her job after all.

She was a Reality Detective. 

Suckerpunch

She took his advice, rolling out of bed into running shoes the next morning and pounding down the firm sand with her cheap sneakers. She was fitter than she had thought. Those years of gymnastics and ballet had done more for her than she’d realised. 

When she got back to the room, she was a limping puddle. He was still asleep; sprawled full-length across the bed in loose shorts, no shirt. He’d rolled over once she left the bed and now took up all of it. Like her cat used to do; claiming his territory.  This time unconsciously so.

He had such energy when he was awake: always in movement, alive and vibrant, even when he was still. Suppressed violence or something that looked like it. He hummed like a walking tuning fork. There was no ignoring him. He was the totality of every room he walked into.

Asleep, he was strangely still. Calm. Limpid. But still completely there. He was still the whole room. The world was smaller, more manageable with him in it. 

Her eyes moved along the serpent on his shoulder and his arm to where his hand rested on his stomach. Almost flat but not quite with a small swell above his hip and under his belly button. Imperfect perfection. A small smattering of hair. The hip bone rising slowly out of the faded black shorts.

She was staring. Her eyes travelled further and she shivered and started: the sweat beginning to cool her down too much. She was staring and had been for too long. There was something unfair about it. Even creepy. Like spying. Or stalking.

She shook herself out of her reverie and walked into the ensuite. She remembered the tiny motel shower from before; the cracked yellow tiles and the rusty water pooling at her feet; the  blood melting off their bodies. She turned on the shower and felt the water hit her.

Intimacy was a strange thing. A shower with a stranger should have been… something else, something different. Yet staring at him sleeping had felt different to that night she’d stood under that water in that decrepit motel. She remembered hanging on to him as he’d smoothed the caked blood off her skin. How his skin has felt under her fingers as she mirrored him. It had been strangely sexless. The water had drummed her head like a massage as it lay below his shoulder blade; pressed close against him. Holding on for dear life. 

Every night she crawled in behind his warm back; her arms on his chest while he muttered complaints. She had her own damn bed and should bloody well use it, he said. But he never went so far as to physically throw her out. 

Yet the real moments of intimacy came when they weren’t close. When she wasn’t cocooned in him. When she felt less secure, less safe. 

From across the room. Or the dinner table. From the water, looking back at him on the beach. Long brown limbs, tattoos swirling. The imperfection of his long face and dented nose. Suckerpunch.

Like now, the warm water falling on her face and him asleep in the other room. She couldn’t even see him but he was there. Even more than when she slept, head pressed against his back, arm slung below his.

She’d run 2km this morning. She needed to be better than that. He’d been right. She’d never be able to fight like she wanted to without better strength and fitness. And maybe boxing was the wrong discipline. The resort had everything. A gym. Surfing. Diving. Had she seen a group on the beach this morning doing martial arts? Maybe that was it. Nobody messed with a black belt. Did they?

“What do you think about karate?” she asked him as she forced eggs into her mouth and followed it up with yam.

He shrugged and sat back, watching her eat.

She paused, “You’re not eating.” 

“I had some toast. Coffee is fine.”

“So you cooked this for me?”

He shrugged again, “You seemed hungry.”

“I ran this morning. Tomorrow I think I’ll have a swim as well.”

“This new health kick isn’t because of me, is it?”

“Of course,” she turned back to her meal as she answered, “Strength and overall level of fitness. Right?”

“OK. Well, in that case, yes. I had a mate who did Tae Kwon Do. But he was a man.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“He lacked balance and flexibility. That’s not your problem, ballet girl.”

She nodded and ate eggs, deciding she couldn’t take offense at that.

“Lower centre of gravity.”

He nodded his agreement, “See your problem is lack of strength. And endurance. Martial arts won’t give you that.”

“But it will give me a martial art. Right?”

“Meg, if you want to take up karate or some other Kung Fu bullshit I’m not going to stop you. It’s not like it isn’t good exercise. But you asked me to train you. Alright? That’s why we’re here. And I can’t help you with that. 

“Life, alright, life is not a fucking Bruce Lee film. The bad guys don’t bow or have honour or whatever bullshit they feed you. And they don’t all stand back and attack one at a fucking time. If someone comes at you, they’re gonna come at you with what they have. It’s gonna be dirty. It’s gonna be killed or be fucking killed. And it sure as shit isn’t going to have any motherfucking rules. So it’s up to you. What do you want? Do you want to say you have a black belt? Or do you want to survive an actual fight?”

“I want to do both. Why can’t I do both?”

“You won’t have time to do both.”

“I’ll make time,” she said defiantly.

And expected him to argue or roll his eyes but he didn’t.

He just nodded. And she felt it again. 

Suckerpunch.

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